Benny the Baptist Bear Part I

                Benny, Lucas, and Andi were best, best friends. they lived in three cottages that shared a backyard with no fences and no end to fun. Each friend was just different enough from his best friends to make things exciting, but just alike enough that there was no doubt they would be best friends forever. Benny ate blackberries, Lucas liked lemongrass and Andi ate anything, but they all loved eating. Lucas liked lacrosse, Benny loved rugby and Andy liked football, but they all liked contact sports. Benny was a Baptist. Lucas was Lutheran, and Andi was atheist, so Benny and Lucas were pretty sure Andi was going to hell. Lucas and Andi thought Benny was a sexist and Andy and Benny thought it was gross that Lucas thought he ate Jesus’s blood and Body on weekends, but they all liked… well, they tried to stay away from religious topics and focus on kid stuff.

            They were the best friends a bear, a Llama and an Armadillo could be. They spend every day of the year together: every schoolday after homework, every weekend after breakfast and every summer day from day dawn to dusk. The only week they didn’t play together was during vacation bible school. Benny and Lucas weren’t sure what Andi did that week, but didn’t ask.

            The day after Vacation Bible School was always the SUPER FUNNEST, awkward day of the year. Fortunately and unfortunately, it only happened once a year and things were back to normal. On one such day, right at day dawn, Benny and Lucas were surprised to find that Andi was nowhere to be found. With a gasp, they blurted out the first thing that came to their minds in a muddled mess of words, “You – man – know, - she’s – super – is – kind of – hot – really weird. Wait! What did you say?”

            “Oh nothing,” Benny sheepishly stammered, “I mean, yeah. What did you learn at Bible School?”

            “Acts through 1^st Corinthians. You?”

            “re-Revelations, and selections from Romans.” said Benny, “Plus we had this class about other religions that was mostly about how there’s no archaeological support for the Mormon Bible and how spiritual truths can’t be found through prayer.”

            “Nice,” Said Lucas, “so where do you think Andi is?” He leaned down and started grazing.

            “Beats me. Wanna play some rugby?”

            But Rugby wasn’t that fun with just two people and they ended up going home early.

            The next morning, Benny and Lucas were reunited with their best friend, Andi. They decided not to ask her about the day before. To their surprise, Andi brought it up. “So how did you pansies like bible school?” she snarled. Taken aback, Benny and Lucas stared blankly. “I spent the week with my aunt Alice and learned the way of the earth. You know, our society would be much more cohesive if we did things the natural way. Mother earth is filled with pleasure and peace.”

            “What – that’s – are – inter-you-esting – talking – tell – about – me more.” Lucas and Benny simultaneously stammered.

            “With the right combo, you can trip through your wildest fantasies just on the bounty of nature!”

            “I’m sorry guys. I’ve got to go.” said Lucas and he turned to leave. There was an awkward silence as he walked away.

            “What’s his problem?” Andi asked. hormones.”

            “Probably just hormones.” responded Benny, “You were saying?”

            “Well, we could chat about it, or I could show you!” She said. “Follow me!” They left the backyard and down the road they slunk through a back alley and then trudged through some mud behind a building where they saw two dumpsters with skulls on them. Benny had a bad feeling come over him but he was silent. Andi went behind the dumpster. “Over here!” she beckoned to Benny. Benny stepped into the darkness behind the dumpster. Andi  pulled a cardboard box out of a corner. “In this box, all of your wildest dreams can be reality.” The box said, “Danger: Poison” on it and smelled kind of funny.

            “I don’t know, Andi…” Benny muttered.

            “Andi pushed the box aside and got real close to Benny’s face. She looked straight into his soul and took his face in her claws. Her eyes were mesmerizing. “Trust me.” she whispered.

            Benny swallowed and nodded and Andi turned to the box. She opened the flaps. Inside the box there was a glass bottle on its side. A small pool of strong smelling liquid filled the bottom, soaked layer of cardboard. Six small frogs slowly walked circles around the perimeter. They all had distant looks on their faces and their frail bodies looked like they hadn’t eaten I weeks. For moments the only sound was soft moaning of garbled nonsense as the frogs staggered around the box.

            “Take one of these babies, and you’ll never have a single care again.” Andi scooped up a frog that let out a week squeal and dangled it before Benny. “Open your mouth.” Benny obeyed and slurped in the slimy amphibian. Andi closed his mouth and told him to chew.

            Benny felt suddenly drowsy, the good kind of drowsy, like after a good meal and a hard day’s work. He closed his eyes and chewed more carefully and slowly. the frog tasted terrible, but in a bearable kind of way and made his mouth tingle. Benny forced one eye half open to look at Andi. She had never looked so beautiful. Her eyes sparkled and twirled. She was dark and comely. Within Benny’s body there was a sudden electric feeling and he swallowed the frog. His eyes flew open and the world spun. Andi sprouted wings and flew to an exceedingly high mountain. Benny wanted to follow so he stepped into the music and floated to meet her. She said something Benny didn’t understand, then flew to a magical forest. Hideous witches were everywhere, but they looked friendly enough so Benny danced with them.

            Round and around they went until all the colors blurred together in a heap of muddy gray. The witches clawed open a tree and drank fresh blood from the bark. Benny followed suit until the tree became a giant ant hill covered with ants which crawled all over his body. The tingling sensation was … well… SENSATIONAL! Benny had never felt anything like it. He ran through the woods laughing until he tripped on a marshmallow pumpkin and rolled in the mud.

            “The trip is almost over! Before it wears off, we need to restock.” he heard Andi say, “find frogs! Stay away from the colored ones. They’ll make you bad trip.” Benny stopped and looked around. he saw a couple of frogs on a nearby lily pad and scooped them up.

            “Let us go!” they screamed, 

             but Benny didn’t care.