“If you want to be really good at something,
you’ve got to spend time doing it.” Sister Kunz specified. In order to be
really good at prayer, we need to spend time doing it, and man was I determined.
Driving back to Storm Lake after zone conference, my mind whirled with what I
could do to pray stronger. I would buy a journal. I would brainstorm. I would
search the scriptures. I would wake up. I would speak up. I would kneel up. I
would visualize the Father, my faith firm in the express image of the Father in
the Son and my heart strung with the beautiful art of He who walked in Galilee.
I was determined to pray longer, to seek Him more diligently than I ever had.
Not long after beginning this journey, I remembered the admonition to pray in
closets and realized mine would be the perfect pondering palace. A new light bulb
gave dazzling light. I set up a little table and a picture of the risen Lord. I
cushioned my knees.
The experience was life changing. I treated my
time with my Father as the most professional, yet intimate of interviews and He
reciprocated. I was taught in my mind and in my heart. I was lead through the
pages of the scriptures, the words illuminating my understanding. I let down
much of my “know it all” barriers and learned things I thought I knew, for real
this time. I would come to Him with questions I had spent time pondering. I wrote
them down, asked, received, wrote, asked, received, wrote. I felt divine
inspiration for what to ask next. As I honed in on gratitude, it was easier to
notice the things to be grateful for. I remember one particular Sunday, writing
something down to express gratitude every other minute in sacrament meeting, so
excited share my list that evening on my knees. I focused on others, seeking
their needs and praying earnestly for them by full names. As I did this, I grew
the most.
One particular night of learning how to pray,
particularly impacted me. It was one of those moments where things that I
always knew by the word, became flesh, became real. I was praying in my closet
and about to close, when a thought crossed my mind to say something that wasn’t
very new. In prayers in groups, I am frequently heard saying, “We love thee,
Lord.” As the thought crossed my mind to express such sentiment, I realized,
among all my prayers, I had never expressed love to the Father personally.
Feeling kind of silly, I paused, opened my eyes and looked at the picture of
the savior I had pinned to my wall. Awkwardly, I spoke aloud the words, “I love
thee, Lord.” and paused. It made me feel weird at first. The words were clumsy
on my tongue, but undeniable peace filled my closet. I thought for a moment I
could feel a warm, calm hand on my shoulder. I listened carefully to the
silence around me and could hear the voice of God speak aloud the words, “Joshua,
I love you too.”
It was then that I realized that God is a
perfect, glorified, Man of Holiness. Were we in a literal interview with him,
He would hug us and we would feel it. Were we looking across a desk into His
eyes, clumsily fumbling over our words, He would look back at us, through the
window of our souls and upon our hearts and tell us He loves us. I’ve spent
countless hours on my knees in humble prayer before Him. I have cried unto Him
in the night. The Holy Spirit has made “intercession for (me) with groanings
which cannot be uttered.” I have plead with Him for forgiveness in my darkest
hours and beheld His glorious light.
Too often, I think we think of church and
prayer and scriptures as just “good things.” I think we keep commandments as
long as it’s convenient. Too much we think of the gospel as good headlines in
the newspaper. We’re glad of it, but it’s too far away to really seem real, but
God is real. Faith is following Him. Faith is serving Him till death and
beyond. Faith precedes the miracle, the greatest of which is when our faith
becomes dormant, when we look up and realize that not only do we know God
lives, but we know God.
Come to Him. Be meek and lowly in heart. Find
rest to your souls.
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